The music of the gods

You know when you're younger, or last week as the case may be, and you play those "get to know you games"? Silly questions designed to somehow let people know about who you really are. You know, the ones you think long and hard about so you can seem witty, cool and well spoken and so not telling the truth to save your soul... Well one of the ones that I always thought of as really odd was: "would you rather be blind or deaf?" I mean either way it would suck, royally.

Me, I would choose to be blind. I mean I would miss seeing, well everything, but deaf... That's a world of harshness I can't even fathom. I don't know why, but I exist for sound.
I have a friend who loves words, loves they way the sound, how they work, what they mean. I love music, I always have and have never understood why. I can't really sing, though me and my shower or me and my car like to play make believe other wise. I can't play a single instrument; can't read music, can't really discuss music theory. But I also can't go more than a few hours with out some kind of music playing. I have over 300 cds in my car, at least 60 at my desk at work and lord only knows how many are stashed around my house. Some women have a shoe fetish or a purse fetish, me I can't go more than a week with out a new CD. Heck, Just yesterday in the mail, I got Bruce Springsteen's greatest hits and Mr Mister's Greatest Hits (I know, I know but I love the song Kyrie). God bless BMG. Please some one save me and get me a dang full sized IPOD!

I feel music differently. I can try and explain it sometime, but all I get is funny looks from people. It's something I feel down in my gut, all through me. I mean have you ever Really listened to anything the Beatles have done, or Eric Clapton's solo in Layla or the guitar solo in Freebird, Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon? It's like a holy experience for me, sometimes near orgasmic (sorry that might be a bit TMI). I can practically get high just listening to the Doors or Led Zepplin (which I find to be much cheaper and safer, though perhaps not as much fun as the old days).

Some people's memory is triggered by smells or sights, me it's music. I hear "Baker Street" (you know the one with the weird saxophone solo in it) and I am back in my old house: it's summer time, all the windows are open, it's late afternoon and my mom is cleaning the house. I hear "Black Velvet" (great one hit wonder of the late 1980's) and I'm in the car with my Grandpa going home from school. I can tell my life in songs. Leonard Cohen makes me think of an old boyfriend... We always did it with one of my LC cds going... Don't ask me why... It still kinda puts me in the mood though. Johnny Cash makes me think of the early days of Ben and I, driving into his hometown (aka BFE), windows down... Singing along to American Recordings. (Please do yourself a favor and get these albums... Johnny + Rick Rubin producing is just beyond amazing).

I can hear a song on the radio and tell you how old I was and what I was doing when it first came out... Kinda scary, when you think that I don't remember a lot of things from most of my college classes, but I know what song played on the radio after I lost my virginity ("Two Princes" by the Spin Doctors, for those who are curious), or what song played in a record shop in London while my best friend and I were there with some people we met from Wales ("Perfect Day", by various artists, I also bought the John Lennon Cd: "Legendary Lennon" that day.)



I've loved the Beatles longer than anything or anyone other than my parents. I've loved them more years of my life than not. Going on 19 years now. I mean in order of importance to me: Thy Holy Trinity, Ben, Mom, Bebop, The Beatles... And some days John, Paul, Ringo and George can beat out Ben. I can't explain why I love their music so much in terms any one would understand, I just do. I saw Paul McCartney in concert a few years ago. It was mind blowing, not only how good he was live (compared to 99% of artists today)... But several thousand other people and I were in the same fucking room as Paul McCartney. I mean, THE Paul McCartney... I cried like a little baby. I wept, screamed and had one the best nights of my life. I wonder if having a child will feel as powerful as hearing Paul sing "Yesterday" live?

So being blind would be awful, but I know what a sunset looks like, I can recall the faces of people I know, I can get books on tape. But to never hear John sing "Dear Prudence" or George Harrison's last album, or Paul sing "Let It Be" or to never hear Sweet Home Alabama again... I just couldn't do it, makes me sick just thinking about it. Hell would be a room with no sound...


Bran